To develop your personal ritual, you must ask yourself what inspires

After attending a three-day conference to honor women who are the Devine Feminine in Assisi, Italy the music played to signal the conclusion of the conference. Then, something remarkable was happening: one after another women in the crowd spontaniously embraced the music, moving around, twisting and turning to celebrate our feminine nature. We danced freely as the music swung through us. With a lightness of both my body and soul I danced like a child mimicking an nymph through the forest. We literally floated back home. Why can’t we have more celebrations often, I ask?

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In a recent seminar, I was asked by a participant “How do you celebrate?” This question caused me to pause and reflect. The ways we celebrate are as individual as we are. Yet, they’re often reduced to a set of meaningless rules. For some, it’s chocolate balloons, chocolate, or even wines of the highest quality, while for others, it’s an extravagant 50th birthday celebration with the added complication of “what is happening when you go to Vegas …” However, regardless of our preferred method for celebrations, they nearly always reflect commonplace customs on holidays that are calendar-based and not a specific reason to celebrate. If you’re also the person who provides the food, presents, and decorations, these celebrations are exhausting to the point where they’re not truly celebrations!

The reality is that, despite all celebrations and “celebrations,” we women haven’t felt like we are worthy of being a part of the celebrations. We should consider the right of women to “bask in the glory” of our uniqueness by locating certain celebrations that reflect our individuality and spirit. Here are some suggestions to create your own rituals:

1.) Remember your family and your friends. One reader emailed me to inform me about a party which her aunt arranged to honor her matriarchal family line. The youngest was just 16 (shhh!) and the most senior was at 88 (women weren’t allowed to enter the pub in the past). They had a lot of pleasure celebrating their membership as a very strong, and breathtaking group of ladies.

Another friend of mine celebrates what she refers to as “Ancestor Day.” They gather with their families and pay tributes to those who passed before her. Honoring the traditions and values that make her life meaningful can be fulfilling. However, the joy begins by recognizing that the date and the theme is her own choice No person in the hierarchy can dictate how or when to be celebrating!

2.) Create it to be meaningful to you. Peggy Holt, an instructor at Canyon Ranch, describes how one day every year she would celebrate “Holt Holiday” with her children. After they got up, her, she’d surprise them by presenting a surprise alteration in routine. Rather than being driven to school, they would have the day off and have fun with their family! Since her children are mature, they carry on this tradition with these annual celebration days with their children.

To develop your personal ritual, you must ask yourself what inspires you and respect this. Start by choosing an event that has particular significance. Celebrate it with something that’s fun for you. On my birthday last year, I hosted a ladies’ dinner at which we celebrated femininity with dances like the Yoni dance. I also take the time to celebrate the improved mobility that comes from the loss of 100 pounds. When I’ve been on my travels recently I’ve celebrated my new mobility with fun activities such as zip-lining as well as trekking and white-water rafting. Every activity is thrilling!

3.) Have fun by performing less. We often think that we have to plan a huge celebration however, small events can be just as satisfying. A simple act like buying an ebook and taking the time to think about it can be an occasion to celebrate. A sixth Stilletto Step is Self-Celebration, that means instead of becoming a part of the masculine vibe of constantly being busy, we must instead focus on celebrating the quality of our own experience.

The most enjoyable celebrations are those that are visible manifestations of our individuality, which is exactly what happened to the spontaneous dance we performed in Assisi. What are you able to do to commemorate the extraordinary and distinctive person you are?